The previous post was about Rudyard Kipling’s “IF” that was given to me by my parents. Today it is about one of those parents.
Thursday night, January 5 at 11:58pm my mother passed away.
It was all a bit surreal. We were having dinner at my daughter’s house which was also a little bit surreal as it was it was the first time all 4 of us kids had had a meal for years. And my younger brother was just going to stop in for a moment and stayed 4 hours or so.
Mum had just had surgery that had gone well in and of itself. I remember telling one of my team at work that day that it was just the recovery that might take some time. But that we expected that and it was just a matter of time. She would have been 81 on January 24. My wife and I have booked accommodation to be with her at the time. But of course that won’t be happening.
Over the past week I have heard a lot about Mum. From Dad, my sister and two brothers. Lots of friends and peers of Mum giving us their regards. And telling us snippets that they shared with Mum’s life.
It certainly made me think. What did Mum hold to during her life? What kept her going? What did she believe in?
The link from death of a loved one to how we operate is obvious. The passing of someone asks you to reflect on what you are doing, how you do it and who you do it with. How are they affected? What legacy will I leave, just as my mother left a legacy.
It’s all food for thought which I’ll add to in the following days.
One of the things I’ll be reflecting on is my values. It’s the one thing that keeps coming back to me over the past week.
My parents gave me this when I was about 12 or 13. I still have it. I think it provides good advice for relationships etc and particularly for managers. I’ll leave you to read it and decide for yourself within your own context.
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!
Source: http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm
